Surprised by Joy

Last week I said my first goodbye to a close friend here in Maryland. Mikey Mapa, my filipino brother who has filled my life with hearty laughter and straight forward honesty. He is currently in Orange County visiting his older brother. By the time he gets back to MD, I’ll be in Beijing.

That Wednesday night before Mikey’s departure, I sat in the bare living room of his cousin, Angelo's, house flipping through the treasure trove of comics Joseph Tsang left to his keeping during his move to New York. Mikey and I had just returned from a disappointing viewing of ‘War of the Worlds,’ which was entertaining nonetheless given our extensively sarcastic verbal commentary.

I’m flipping through Frank Miller’s, “Batman:Year One”, a staple of Batman folklore, when Mikey hands me a thin volume entitled “Bloodlines”, a piece about Nightwing’s deep connection and love for his mentor, Batman. As the former Boy Wonder battled Russian thugs for an antidote to save Batman’s life, his thoughts read, “My worse fear is not that I would lose, but that I would fail him.” I was touched by the simplicity, and so was Mikey. He quoted the same line to me when I finished reading. “Pretty cool, eh?” he remarked.

Yes, very cool. The bonds between friends. The deep type of friendship that turns into family. I don’t know if he felt it, but in that moment I knew he was the type of brother to me that deserved the same love and trust. As I left Angelo’s I gave him a hug and shook hands, knowing the next time we’d see each other would be a full year from now.

It could have been sad, but it wasn’t. It was wonderful. There is nothing better than the bonds of friendship proven true time and time again. Such is one of the greatest gifts a person can ask for.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

Later that week my two little cousins, Deborah and Christine, slept over at my house for a few days. They are getting older, bigger, and their energy level continues to astound me. We played Game Cube, watched movies, played and played. I was exhausted.

We went to the pool at one point during the day (the first time i’ve been swimming in a year or so) where Deborah, age 8, was happily demonstrating her skills from swim team. Christine, age 12, didn’t share the same tastes for the water however and felt disgusted by the warmth of the water in the children’s pool. Nonetheless, we made the best of it. At one point, Deborah dragged me around the pool by my legs while Christine lifted me up by my shoulders. We also raced back and forth to see if swimming or running was faster. I gave them piggy back rides through the water and pretended to sink under their weight, giving way to giggles and screams.

I’m usually not a big fan of the pool, but this was pretty fun.

Christine and Deborah are getting older, and although I may not always enjoy the tediousness of running to and fro with them, the reality is that in a few years they probably won’t want to hang out with me anymore anyway.

So enjoy the moments.. . like a child. Yes, like a child.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

I must have gotten stronger or something this summer. Just this last weekend I helped my older cousin, Nancy, move back to her apartment in midtown Manhattan. She’s the girly type that won’t help with anything she considers heavy or requires assembly. So there I was, going up and down three flights of stairs, box after box, huffing and puffing, sweat dripping down my forehead.

But during all that lifting, I had my iPod shuffle blasting, listening to the beats of Common, the crooning of Christ Martin, the mixes of Jay Chou, and then some. Even while I was moving this junk, I thought to myself, “thank God for music.” Even while I was driving up to New York in a big U-Haul, I often found myself elated at the latest Keith Urban song or Live 8’s U2 performance on the radio.

There is joy in the everyday little things.

The few days I had in New York were nice, another memory of what makes the US what it is to take to China. My cousin is quite the yuppie with the typical American dreams of making the big money and livin’ high and grand. She prides herself on knowing the best restaurants in the city and where the best shops and latest fashions are. Working hard to make it big, always looking ahead and fighting it out for the top spot. Spending time with her friends was fun: French/Belgian food and wine, conversations about city life and other dynamics of the world.

It was interesting to see the world through her eyes for a few days, but it obviously isn’t my cup of tea. I can’t imagine doing what she does. As long as she's happy... right? Maybe.. .

The truth is, grand moments aren’t the best ones anyway. Of course I’ve got my own grand dreams, albeit different than my cousin's, but grand dreams for world peace are no better than the grand dreams for fame and fortune if you can’t live well right now, today. That's the thing with Joy: it has to be for today as much as it is for tomorrow.

Yes indeed, the Joy of the Lord is my strength today, right now.

Today? Today I went out for some Bubble Tea with my sister and we lounged around the Chinese World Journal Bookshop and Blockbuster together. My sister has grown up quite a bit, has matured in ways I admire, and is still growing and learning the deal with all the undesirable circumstances that life has managed to throw at her. I love her dearly and am so happy to see a part of her transformation from a little girl into a responsible young lady. In many ways she is stronger than I.

Keep going, sis, don’t let the world tear ya down. I’ll always be here for you.

The Joy of the Lord is our strength.

So what’s next?

Observe some English classes in preperation for China. Visit my grandma and grandpa more and soak up their presence. Spectate and awe over the NL East, First Place, Washington Nationals as they go up against the Mets in RFK. Scramble to do my homework which I continue to push off. Finish my wedding present for Vince and Diana. Soak it up and do what I ought to do, live how I ought to live.

Of course, don’t go believin’ that everything is wonderful now. The purpose of this entry is not to negate the struggles or circumstances that I’ve written about before. No, each of them continues to exist right now alongside the happy stories above. I could give you more than enough negative anecdotes that are just behind the shadows of each of the good things I’ve mentioned. It's always a mix.

It’s just that today and the few days before it, God has blessed me to see the good again.

I’m learning that insane joy is not a joy that is crazy because it laughs in the face of danger and goes out singing despite every tragic occasion. Such is just plain insanity, an exit from reality. Insane JOY is the type that can sustain your soul in the midst of reality. Face to face with the darkness but protected by the light. It comes from a wisdom that gives eyes to see the extravagance in the ordinary and the beauty of the moment. Most of the time I carry dim shades over my eyes that only allow me to see the heaviness of my life, but God breaks through it when I allow Him and then I see more. I can see how blessed I am to have friends whom I love and trust no matter where I am on the planet, even if I cannot always be with them. I can see how wonderful it is to play with my cousins now in their youth and also look forward to their maturing. I can enjoy the mundane actions of moving boxes and driving long distances because it is still time spent with a loved one. I can see a purpose in the now in and of itself in addition to what it means for later. I can better love those that I love, like my sister.

Real Joy is a Holy thing.. . it not only makes your life fuller, it flows out to others as well.